Half through this Facebook fast, each day I have been learning something, even if that lesson is to just keep on going, even if I am tired and don't want to read my Bible, or stay up to write my blog. God has been chipping away at the hard layers of my heart these past twenty days. I can't even describe in words what God has been doing. One of the hard parts of my heart that God has been taking a sledgehammer too is the part of my heart that says trust and the other part that says love. The part that I am going to talk about first is the trust box that God has been breaking into. I have locked inside my heart the ability to complete trust people. I have used the excuse in my life that I cannot trust because of things that have happened to me in my life. You know what, everyone has had things in their life that causes them to not want to trust. Yes, you shouldn't share every part of your heart with every person you meet, but in order to be real with people you do have to be honest about who you are, I have to be honest about who I am. Which is why this blog has been so hard. I have had to open my heart up and share with people that I may not even know. The other part of my trust box that God has been trying to get me to understand for years and that is God knows everything about me, every bad thing that I have done. Every hurt that I hold in my heart, ever fear that I hold in my heart. God knows it and He tells me everyday to trust him, He knows my past and my future, He has a plan for my life. I just have to follow him. I have to trust Him.
The second box in my heart that God has been breaking into has been the love box in my heart. That I have also locked up tight as can be. Not letting anyone in unless they met certain qualifications or they were kids. I can't help but let kids in, I just love kids so much. But people my age and older, I slam the box shut and say nope, maybe after a year or so I will crack the lid and let you in. That isn't right either. Jesus didn't say you gotta prove yourself before I show my love for you. Instead he just loved us. I am not saying be stupid and let yourself walk into bad situations but I am preaching to myself right here, love people. Don't wait till it's too late to show them love. This is so hard for me too do. Especially face to face because believe it or not I can be very shy. I get scared of people. I want them to like me. Thoughts that every one has, fears that everyone has. I am not exactly sure where I am supposed to go with this blog tonight. My heart is currently an emotional wreck due to stress and worry. But I know that God has my back. The situations that I am struggling with HE will bring me through. I am just going to finish this blog with the first verse and chorus of my favorite hymn. "When peace like a river, attendeth my way, when sorrow like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul. It is well... With my soul... It is well, it is well with my soul"
Goodnight everyone, God bless.
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